Like the story of Adam and Eve whose eyes opened after they took a bite of the forbidden fruit, mine has opened as well. At an age when my life still revolves very much around my school-going children and family, I find myself looking at the real world from a different perspective.
Was it my lack of experiences or naivety in the past that shielded me from knowing and seeing the other side of life? Quite possible. Today I've almost 'arrived', albeit slower. This shift is unexpected. I find myself exploring the unfamiliar and wonder what lies ahead for me.
Life is a game; I can't win all the time. Hence, I need to act according to the role(s) I play and accept that the game never lasts. Sounds complicated? Well, I'm just beginning. Its a game of opportunities with different outcomes.
At midlife, most who are married know their obvious roles and commitment; myself included. This is the most significant role I have to play at this point in life. My other roles are secondary. But some people who are married forget they also have another role to play. Being themselves.
I've discovered myself lately. This is the shift I'm talking about. Its rather profound and not that easy to express in words. In life, many people claim to know so much about many subjects except themselves. They can't really 'see' themselves. I don't claim to know everything about myself yet but its unfolding gradually before me.
I seem to have a dark side. You have a dark side too but no one really shares anything about their dark side with anyone. Ironic, isn't it? And why not? Well, people ARE judgemental by nature. So no one wants to talk about it. Besides, no one really likes to be judged. Hence, they use Silence to hide. Talk about the dark side, there isn't a clear distinction. Its not like one dark side or two dark sides. They are joined like branches.
Having said that, I am so relieved that my own mother understands what this dark side is all about. Yes, I've shared about myself to my mother. I'm not ashamed; in fact, she has shared her side to me as well. Its a great feeling to know that your mother neither judges nor condemns. She is open and she knows. Its a mutual discovery about each other from our recent close conversation.
I may have shifted but I'm still very much the same person I've always known myself to be. At times, I feel as if another personality is emerging but I assured myself that life is just a game so I am really not insane. At the end of the day, perhaps its really about one's perception.
Before I conclude, allow me to quote William Shakespeare as food for thought here. "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exit and their entrances: and one man in his time plays many parts; his acts being seven ages."